This Too Shall Pass

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Have you ever truly, felt helpless and afraid? Have you ever had to learn how to pull yourself out of the darkness?
I have, it’s an awful place to be, it’s filled with loneliness, and desperation. The longer you remain in this place of fear. It will also rob you of the only thing left, which is  “hope” and it’s what you will need to rise up again. There will always be things that will happen to you and there is nothing you can do about it. That’s a given.
It is not easy to overcome fear, it’s not easy, to not feel anxious, and worry . It’s not easy to live, and try to manage a chronic illness, especially now, when COVID-19 poses the biggest threat to those who have weaker immune systems and long-term – or chronic – illnesses. Unfortunately,  I fall into this delicate category, and that does scare me. I tried to ignore my feelings and concerns at first, and I tried to live my life as normal as possible, albeit with a bit more caution. I continued my workouts, but only in private. I walked everyday but respected “social distancing.” I tried to stay positive, healthy and strong. I live this kind of life style because I have too! I have no choice but to remain strong, I have to rise up, I have to honour my body, and mind. I have to have a fighting chance to survive if my “condition” ( I hate calling it an “illness”) flares up again; but as positive as I choose to be, I don’t know if I can survive getting sick with this virus.
So, I have decided to not take anymore chances. “Fear” has now crept back into my life again. I now choose to remain home away from the invisible danger that I can’t see, or fight.
I have stopped my workouts outside my house. I stopped walking in the country, parks and along the lake. I stopped going outside to feel the sun on my skin and breathe in the brisk March air. I have stopped going out to buy, “food in the moment.” bread, cheese, and farm fresh eggs.
All things I will never take for granted anymore.
Yesterday,  after dinner my daughter Isabella asked me to go for a walk. Hesitantly I did. My,beautiful and active small town was eerily quiet. The sidewalks that are usually filled with kind people and cute dogs were empty; except for these much needed words of hope along the way; “Be Positive” & “Smile.”
Sometimes, when you need a sign in your life- it appears and it can change your attitude and make you feel happy. I thank the person who did this, because it did make me smile.
A simple reminder that “we are all in this together, and apart we are becoming stronger, kinder and now aware of what’s truly important: and that’s each other.” I ask you all to please, please respect all lives not just your own, I ask you to think about those that fight on a daily basis with their delicate health conditions, and illnesses, you can’t see. I ask you to not jeopardize our elders who hold the wisdom this world still needs. I ask you to stay away and stay home as much as possible.
If I do believe that something good can come from this, it would be to remain hopeful. Without positivity, I might go crazy with fear.

Positivity and Love always wins…Always.

Love Love

Modesta Tonan

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