This Is Who I Am: This Is Me

This is me at my heaviest. I don’t even recognize that woman anymore, but I still feel the pain and fear she bared inside. This photo was taken months before my first surgery to remove my colon because of cancerous polyps, due to my ongoing battle with colitis and, ultimately the only reason I needed to fight for my health, and my wellbeing. If I could tell that woman in the photo one thing it would be “get ready for the fight of your life and, you’ve got this.”
I have always struggled with my weight.
I was a pleasantly plump kid, an overweight teen, and have fought the battle of the bulge my whole life.
I covered up my body through my 20s, 30s, and 40s.. I had no confidence, nor the belief that who I was, was good enough.
There is no magic formula too weight loss.
There is only one way to a healthy lifestyle and “losing weight.” It’s actually very simple. It’s called …..
And a “healthy weight” consists of two elements, eating less and doing more exercise.
Weight loss will only occur when our body burns more calories (by exercising) than it takes in (by eating). Simple.. right? You can buy the books, join a gym, wear the super cute fitness clothes.
But none of that stuff will do the hard work.It all boils down to YOU!
Through my fitness journey
I have pushed beyond my boundaries of what I thought I could do. I learned that my mind is strong and my body is indeed my temple. I learned no matter how big or small a goal may be; whether it’s losing 5 or 50 pounds, or even running your first marathon-making changes requires dedication, commitment, a bit of planning and just being plain old “SMART.” To become a better version of YOU starts internally.
Stop making excuses and focus on the good you are doing your body, because it is the only home you will truly own. At times it will tell you that it’s tired, it hurts, and sometimes it will fail you.
Just think if you are in good shape you have a fighting chance to win, because you will be strong enough survive all those setbacks.
When I started my fitness journey I didn’t know what to expect.. but I was ready for the challenge. I have brought myself to a whole new level of “wows” in my life, and learning that “I can’t” is not allowed to be said.. at all.. in anything you do and want in your life.
I now realize, I can indeed make my body strong again.
I realized that wellness and fitness shouldn’t be intimidating or overwhelming; and to not compare myself to others. Find what it is that makes you feel good and do more of it!
Fitness is not just an activity its a lifestyle. Getting and staying fit is a lifelong commitment. I have seen small changes over time. Some of those changes are on the outside but it’s the internal changes that have taught me that I am strong, I am resilient, I am beautiful, and I am a priority.
Right now I am the best version of me that I can be.
Lately, I have been using the words “now” or “never.” I firmly believe that if you want something bad enough you make time for it. The reality, though, is that most people have a hard time finding time. A fit lifestyle requires a mental adjustment of finding “time” for you.
It’s not easy and maybe something has to give for you to “fit” it in, but once you realize how important it is to your health, and total wellbeing you will question why it took you so long to start.
Don’t focus on the scale and don’t let others define who you are. The outside can only SHINE if we do the work to change the way we think of ourselves.
No more fear, No more excuses!
If you think you can do it, you can do it. If you think you can’t do it, you can’t do it. It’s as simple as that.
Love Love

-Modesta Tonan