Define Beautiful?

I was asked right after my surgery if I will ever wear a bikini again? My quick response was “no never again.”

Why would I want to show my scar and wonder if people are staring at my deformity. Why would I want to stand out when I can just blend in?

So my first thought to this question by another woman no less, set me aback. I felt at the time that I would have to cover it up because it was too ugly for others to possibly see…. Covering myself up would be a safer choice for me.

For some reason though, this particular question has struck a nerve in my heart and confusion in my head. I’m trying to figure out, why I would feel ashamed or embarrassed to wear a bikini? Why would that woman ask me such a question? Why did I reply “NO” so quickly?

I was raised by a strong woman who taught me to embrace being different, that our differences make us unique and beautiful. I have two beautiful and unique daughters. I know the importance of empowering them, as well as other women with the same mindset, to love and honour ourselves and our bodies no matter what shape, size or life marks we have on it.

However, since I can remember as a young girl I have always been self conscious of my body and through the years I have truly learned to love myself as I am..

It hasn’t been an easy road for me, because sometimes what I see in the mirror does not match what I feel inside. I have learned to love myself today because if I don’t nothing would ever change.

Confidence is taught through acceptance of what is.

Even with all that said and me preaching almost everyday about kindness, acceptance, less judgement and more love, people can still be cruel. Especially in this social media world.

So if I could go back to answering this woman’s silly question. I would say “Heck Yes!!!! I would ask her if life has ever marked her up?

Because I know each and everyone of us have flaws, marks, scars, or stretch marks, on our bodies. I would tell her that I like to think of them as marks of power, strength and wear & tear of a life lived,

I would tell her, I am not embarrassed or less than a beautiful woman because of my scars, because my beautiful Body Does Define Me… and every scar proves that I am blessed to continue my journey onward…

I do work very hard to try to stay in shape mentally and physically as well., for Me..,.not you.. ME… and I thank my body and what it has to do to survive…. So to answer that question again..  Heck Yes!!! 

Yes, I will wear a bikini, and I will wear it proudly, scars and all.

What defines beautiful?

ME.. I Am Beautiful..

Because I Am Love Love

~Modesta Tonan

 

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